Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

I once took a trip into psychosis,
A familiar locale,
Down the winding gaudy pathways,
Down the rabbithole,
Following Alice,
Or was it a shadow on a tree?

I see things,
Dancing on my periphery,
Unsure if they exist or not,
Abstract shapes in the dark,
Shadow people and the man in the moon,
Friends and foes unclear,

I hear things,
Or do my ears deceive me?
Syllables in the breeze,
EVPs and messages in the music of the night,
Voices muttering in unknown tongues,
Joshing in the witching hour,

I return to my den,
Perspective awry,
I find myself glancing in the mirror,
My own face grimaces back,
The contours are different though,
A sense of pareidolia?

As I stare blankly,
The reflection grins darkly in return.

I found a bunker in my dreams,
I could only enter the dank room,
The grey walls greet me with indifference,
My only companions,
They mock me in silence,
Emotions bubble up within like a geyser,

Red,

I scream out,
Unleashing a beast of decibels,
A dragon of mania,
Wreathing the land in a roar of torment,
My vocal chords obey in terror,
I tear at my own cheeks in fury,

Blue,

Spent,
I long to collapse,
Sweat descends like tears,
Pulse of agonised woe,
The walls ignore me no longer,
They tremble at my rageful becoming.

I once knew a vibrant soul,
A beautiful friend to all,
A wife and parent,
A mother bear,
A woman of boundless love,

We were not privy to her whole life,
But she exuded love and peace,
She supported so many of us,
Helped shoulder our mental weights,
Fondly indefatigable,

She left us,
Perhaps for a greater purpose,
Perhaps needed elsewhere,
To join the cosmic bulwark,
Against the evils of the universe,

She was a humble shieldmaiden,
But now she’s a valkyrie,
An ascended warrior,
A heroine of legend,
Rest in Valhalla my friend.

Blue screen,
Messages and thoughts abound,
A virus of stress broke through,
Enkindling the synapses,
The brain is overloaded,

Sparks fly,
Vivid depictions of strain,
Voltaic jolts of heartfelt pain,
All shades of superheated emotion,
Overthinking overdrive,

The circuits melt,
Into pitiful sludge,
Formerly logical solder,
Masterfully artificed,
Worn down over years,

As the cortex fries,
This biological frame shuts down,
Finally overwhelmed,
This defect is systemic,
A restart is required.

I died many moons ago,
A forgotten yesteryear,
A summer of discord,
Stinking heat of golds and silvers,
All burns and bugs,

I amble these haunted houses,
And cemetery streets,
Shadowed by a convoy of corpseflies,
Just a walking dead,
A dusky cadaver,

Invisible to most,
Save for those of a similar spiritual leaning,
Bumping into the unwary,
Shrieking banshee tunes,
A miserable poltergeist,

I’m a wraith,
What killed me?
It’s hard to say,
Memories can be eerie mirages,
But I believe it resemebled Eros.

Despite my unseemly form,
Writhing with inadequacies,
I was once a romantic at heart,
A passionate bard,
Singing the praises of my loves,
Seeing the light in the dark,

But it wasn’t to last,
One night was a turntable,
You came to me,
A snide succubus,
A bloody mary,
Lashing flames of erotic venom,

You meant only ill,
Your words brought me a stinging sensation,
As if needles pierced my lips,
Sewing my mouth shut,
You rendered me mute,
Voiceless,

After that hellish night,
My tongue shall never again utter romance,
I speak only with these inked words,
I’d need a scalpel,
To return my joy,
A glasgow smile of sorts,

Truth be told though,
It’s not worth severing these threads.

My girl,
You have an inferno about your aura,
You’ve got bridges to burn,
Past errors and trysts to incinerate,
Memories for the pyre,

I watch you set your explosives,
A vessel for your reformation,
Full of rageful gunpowder,
Shrapnel of past insults,
Souls past are just collateral damage,

You look away,
Perhaps to shield your dewy eyes,
Or perhaps to dither,
Does the past still hold dominion?
Do you wish to wallow in it?

Ignite your charge,
Blow the bridge sky high,
Reduce it to ash and nothingness,
Consign it to antiquity,
You’re an engineer of your future now.

I slept,

I lost my teeth last night,
They were taken by little hands,
Shadowy hands,
Teeming from every nook and cranny,
Of this shaded cell,
A host of impish incubi,

I stirred,

I can’t fight back,
Sleep paralysis,
The image of the hag holds me down,
My eyes simply spectate,
This sinister comedy,
The hands mock my seeming,

I woke,

I need my teeth,
For without them,
How am I to entertain the guests?
The lords and ladies,
The drunkards and jezebels,
I’ll be a waking pariah,

I cried.

I long to be a mime,
A monochrome shadow,
Dancing in the streets,
Rain or shine,
Not a word past these lips,

Exaggerated actions,
My body a theatre piece,
A human prop,
Abstracting life into theatrics,
Grist for mortal eyes,

Countless acts of humans,
Taking your lifestyles,
And I stylize them,
Shine them through an invisible box,
Against an invisible storm,

Even as I fluidly perform,
A flamboyant charleston,
To an audience of drones,
My frown is permanently painted,
The showers don’t wash it off,

A mimes lament is invisible too.

One must hunt,
Kill to live,

On all fours,
Sniffing,
Snarling,
Baying for blood and gore,
All saliva and pheromones,

I must kill,
To feed on fur and tissue,
To sate the maw within,
The forest fires take over,
A hellish descent,

Through the grim mist,
I catch that scent,
A bouquet of optimism and sun,
Of autumn and seasoned venison,
A life to be cut short,

I see crimson,

The doe falls easily,
Hamstrung and gutted,
Formally so full of bounce and life,
Her eyes become as the void,
A rattling mirror of dark,

The bloody form contorts,
A doe no longer,
Prey no more,
But a murder,
My humanity torn.