Posts Tagged ‘Madness’

From this automobile window,
Through tired eyes,
I saw it,
Or was it you?
A shadow play,
A shape illuminated from the horizon,
Organised by a curiously grinning sun,
A vision borne of questionable morality,
A questionable past,
It shifted before my eyes,
One moment a woman,
Identity unknown,
The next a spectre of a mistake,
Repeated perpetually in an obsidian pantomime,
The one thing these shadows held in common?
A peculiar element of nostalgia,
Corrupted and cruel.

There were times,
Even in the darkest caves of my depression,
That I was most at rest,
Most sedate,
Most in tranquillity,
Almost cocooned,
Within an ice bath of sterile numbness,

Once the tears have dried,
And the throat is already sore,
Then comes the numbness,
Calming yet terrible,
Sat on that lonesome bench,
With only my tired thoughts,
And the grey carpets of leaves,

But in truth,
The solitude is addictive,
The silence is the finest symphony,
A melody of soothing needles,
A drug my weary mind savours,
It’s dangerous in all honesty,
You almost don’t want to get better.

There was a young woman,
Red hair and a love of photos,
A young woman not quite right inside,
Led astray through foul circumstance,
Wallace was a bad guy,
Rifles for birthday gifts,
A hint from a sire in some lights,
She didn’t like Mondays,

Some new friends outside,
Not that they know it yet,
So load the cartridges,
Some Ruger fireworks to perk up the day,
Light up some innocent bodies,
Some school uniform party poppers,
Juice on the pavement,
Let’s all scream for Monday.

That green dragon we all know,
Corruption and temptation and envy,
Its wings blanket the land,
The most towering of vices,
The most pervasive,
And most toxic to be sure,
It poisons us all,
From drunkards to philanthropists,
Leading saints to Stalins,

Could it even plague the holiest?
The purest tempted to depravity,
Leading them down greedy paths,
Would even a saint a succumb?
Approaching that guillotine of temptation,
Still warm with past victims,
For the pot of gold he sees,
Left by a corrupt midas,
Nestled under the waiting blade.

I was submerged,
A dismal submarine,
Thrown overboard,
Laid low by fates gravity,
Into the embrace of a spiritless blue,
Lashed by whips of swell,
A penance for my idiocy,

For my mistakes,

In the cold of the abyss,
Fathoms and fathoms down,
My only companions were alcoholic guppies,
Ungrateful eels and sharks of disrepute,
They hissed and glubbed only pleases and pines to me,
I needed not to breath,
But let the icy water inundate my being,

To drown my thoughts,

And drown I did for too long,
Until a siren pulled me aloft from the wash,
On a bed of roses and bubbles,
She kissed me with a realisation,
That ocean was my own mind,
The darkest solitude,
And deepest expanse.

Living is all chemicals,
Being is all medication,
Blood and acid and sugar,
Saltpeter and alcohol and enzyme,
The flesh is merely stone without it,
We require it,
So voracious have we become,
There’s a chemical for every ill,

Have a bit of pain?
Pop a pill,
Black clouds overbearing?
Best get on that firewater,
Your brain is rebelling?
Antipsychotics have got you honey,
Stress overstimulates that tired heart?
I’ve got a light here,

Medicate that little problem,
And all of those too,
It’ll fix any issue you have,
Imagined or otherwise,
For better or for worse,
It can even offer a way out,
Tired of it all?
Here’s some Flavourade.

The world is a corpse,
Lain amidst rot and pus,
Split up and killed long ago,
Now nothing more than ore,
Nothing more than flesh,

We are vermin gnawing at the meat,
An infection borne of Mother Natures own seed,
Rats in tracksuits and skirts,
Stinking,
Malignant,

Deaths spectre strafes up above,
The barbers blade,
Picking us off one by one,
Dining upon our foul frail forms,
Eternal bird gets the worm,

But the reaper can only excise so many,
We’ve become quite the obstinate infestation,
We are legion,
So the only salve I fear,
Would be the sun stepping in,

And we all know what that means.

Ding ding,

A doorbell death knell,
My pulse surges like a cauldron,
A gasket ready to blow,
There is an invader in our midst,
A revenant with a kindly face,

Knock knock,

The door chants to me,
The palpitations begin their dance,
This perpetual state of foreboding,
It’s a disease of the mind,
Why do you want to see me?

Ring ring,

Outside there are foes,
Demons with torches and pitchforks,
Wielding such threats as hellos and good mornings,
Casting dark spells with waves and smiles,
Don’t let them in,

Beep beep,

Friends call up from outside,
I retreat to my duvet,
I don’t belong in that society,
Why else would I shiver at their presence,
And shield my eyes from their azure skies?

Do you too have another side?
An echo of your own voice,
From the depths of your psyche,
A prisoner in your own bedlam,
Your very own Fight Club Tyler,
A dark side,
Not evil,
But blunt in its ways,

A side that will say what you won’t,
With no regard for societal whims,
A side that will always stand up for you,
Unafraid to create tears in its purpose,
A more confident you,
A more independent you,
Persistent in its desire to push you,
With barbed wire teeth and a roughshod tongue,

Yin to your yang.

Don’t think well of me,
Never confuse me for an optimist,
I dread each day,
I’m a misanthrope,
A negative Nancy,
A cockroach in pants,
With anxiety written on my face,

Each morn wakes with fiery skies,
A new doomsday,
The next stage of my degradation,
The next worst day of my life,
Alas I rise amidst the rubble,
Like Icarus soaring,
Only to burn up,

But chronology comes to alleviate the scalding,
When I close my eyes again,
The void reaches out,
An oily swimming pool,
Sounds like heaven to me,
I savour every black moment,
Though dreading the next waking moment.